Welcome back!
Over the next 2 weeks we will be inviting you in to see a typical conversation I have with my younger clients during our sessions. This week we are focusing on girl on girl bullying and the pressures teen girls face to fit in. It will continue next week and dive into how girl on girl bullying can cause much deeper issues.
The Bored Teen:
When I was at primary school I loved playing with my friends from school and also from home.
My best friend from home goes to a different school. This really helps when I am getting anxious about my school friends. We can talk about everything that is going on with us.
Lesley Shearer:
Yes, I get it…
It is all so much easier when we are younger, friendships are much easier. Your friendship outside of school sounds like a very important one.
If you have any concerns or arguments you have someone completely on your side at home that you can talk to.
From my perspective, I think it is incredibly important to have friends outside of school cliques. Also, maybe pursue different interests that can help build your confidence, it also helps put the troubles at school into perspective.
Can you tell me about your friends at school?
The Bored Teen:
… yes there is a group of us that is, lets say ‘ the middle group ‘. We aren’t in the cool group with the ‘Queen Bee’.
The queen bee has her group that just want to keep in with her and will do anything that she does. My group are different. We all look different, maybe not as cool as the ‘Queen Bee’ group. But lately I am getting asked to join the other group. I was asked to the ‘Queen Bee’s’ party and hang out with them after school and stuff.
Lesley Shearer:
It’s unsettling for you to have one foot in both groups!
TIP: The middle group in any class is the biggest. This group is a powerful force and can really help the teenagers who are being bullied. So teach your teenagers to be kind, compassionate and to stand up for others.
The Bored Teen:
I am drawn to the cool group and like going shopping with them as they are more grown up, and wear all the latest clothes and make up!
My old group is more boring.
Lesley Shearer:
Sounds like you really enjoy hanging out with your new group so, why is it causing you anxiety?
The Bored Teen:
The main girl I am talking about, who was really friendly towards me, sharing things about herself, helping me pick new cloths, fixing my hair, having a laugh.
But, every now and then she would make snide comments about my hair or ask why I don’t have a boyfriend. Sometimes she would ask other girls in the group about topics of conversation and just leave me out.
And yesterday they all went out and I wasn’t asked. I feel really upset about it.
Lesley Shearer:
It sounds really awful to be rejected in this way. I think it is very easy for the other girls in this group to just go along with the ‘Queen Bee’ as they are also keen to keep in with her.
I am sure you will have witnessed her do it to others and like you are experiencing now it can be very difficult to navigate this stormy relationship.
TIP: Our body is our compass in a stormy relationship with friends. Listen to your gut instinct, your ‘internal self’. If something does not feel right, it is your body showing you its not right for you.
Your instinct is telling you that you feel uncomfortable so the next time you feel uncomfortable around this group it is just your internal self or compass telling you this does not feel right for you.
It is very helpful to tap into yours on a regular basis and ask: Does this feel right? Does this feel safe? Does this feel comfortable?
Then, if it feels like a mean environment you have the tools to walk away and say ‘This is not for me!’
To be continued next week….
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