Hi
This week I am speaking to the parents of the bored teen. I have been helping individuals and parents handle the many challenges that anxiety and worry can bring into your life.
What I can say is this – “Whatever issues you or your teen are facing right now they most likely stem from these four root causes.”
1. Emotional Issues
Whether you or your teenage is moody, sad, angry, wired or confused. He or She has an unmet need or unresolved emotional issue.
2.Bad habits or behaviour
They can be lethargic, a constant trouble maker or have no structure to their life.
3.Lack of passion or purpose.
What do they think life is for? Do they have any joy in their life?
4.Communication
What need is not being met? Your teenager is going through really formative years right now. Learning to communicate with them will have a profound impact on the rest of their life.
How you chose to help your boys and girls determines their ability to become happy responsible resilient adults. If you would like more information on:
1. creating a healthy relationship with your teen
2. help the situation and your relationship
3. peace of mind because you know you are trying your best
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Our boys and girls need to hear often that they are on the right path, that they are good at the least one thing.
Encourage & compliment his/her hard work, highlight their unique skills. Do they love computer games like fortnight? You could say “He/She is a whizz at playing fortnight”.
Maybe Pause … notice when we start to criticise this can stop us in our track before our own negativity causes us to be a harsh critic. Could we maybe compliment their skills for the first time? Encourage them in the direction of computer science as a way forward. This skill for playing a game could be their way forward to a career creating programs and coding. They could be really interested in this if it was put to them in such a light.
What is your teen good at?
Whatever their skills and interests I encourage you to tell him/her how good they are at all these things.
1. You are really good at…
2. Ask their opinion and listen to what they say
3. Respect and allowing them to be seen is very important.
These 3 phrases can be used to lift their shoulders…
1. “You can work things out.”
2. “What a kind thing to say, thank you. “
3. “I knew you could do it.”
4. “That sounds difficult, well done you.”
5. “What a good listener you are”
6. “You are catching on”
If your in a situation like this think, what would help most? Maybe chat about this when I am less reactive?
If we think back to last week and how we spoke about faulty thinking styles, we can associate these styles to the impact we have on relationships with our kids.
Tip:
Stop & Pause. Before you criticise your teenager notice your own faulty thinking style.
For example,
Compare & Dispair
“How can you not be like…. He loves his football and doesn’t spent all his time on social media”
Critical Self
You might think ‘they are going to end up in a dead end job just like me.’
Tip: Say to yourself, what will help this situation? Will this lift or drop their shoulders?
If we understand our thinking styles as parents, we can stop to think how our interpretations and opinions on situations can impact our children. We want to lift those shoulders with encouragement. If you think something is a negative influence in your teens life i.e social media, video games, music. Stop & think about the bigger picture. These ‘things’ can give your teens purpose. A teen always on social media could learn all the tips and tricks to be a social media manager in the future, or a teen absorbed by music could write songs one day.
Think about it…
Love & Laughter,
Lesley.
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